It should come as no surprise that authors can be snarky. (Mr. Google defines the word as, “critical or mocking in an indirect or sarcastic way.”) Creative minds yield creative snark. Some of the quotes that follow concern the craft, some concern authors or critics. All of them make me laugh—a condemnation of sorts. See if you can resist the temptation to join in the laughter:

“Finishing a book is just like you took a child out in the back yard and shot it.” ~Truman Capote

“I’m realizing that everything has been too easy for my characters so far. I think I need to maim one of them.” ~Ross Willard

“Everywhere I go I’m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don’t stifle enough of them. There’s many a best-seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.” ~Flannery O’Connor

“Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.” ~Kurt Vonnegut

“There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.” ~W. Somerset Maugham

“I wrote a few children’s books. Not on purpose.” ~Steven Wright

“The first draft of everything is shit.” ~Ernest Hemingway

“A great cow full of ink.” ~Gustave Flaubert on author George Sand

“There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.” ~Oscar Wilde on poet Alexander Pope

“Every time I read ‘Pride and Prejudice,’ I want to dig her up and hit her over the skull with her own shin-bone.” ~Mark Twain on novelist Jane Austen

About Brian C. Kaufman

Author, educator, cook. Given a tilt of fate, that might have been lead guitarist, pro wrestler, radio evangelist. You never know.
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